Written by , Directed by

Starring Billy West, Katey Sagal, John DiMaggio, Tress MacNeille

Also starring Maurice LaMarche

Special appearances by John Goodman as Santa, Conan O'Brien

Guest starring Phil LaMarr, Dave Herman, Lauren Tom

"This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened." -Fry
"Actually, it did, but thank God nuclear winter cancelled it out." -Leela

"Sweet lion of zion, look at the professor go!" -Hermes

"Lick my frozen metal ass!" -Bender

"Every Christmas my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers, and my dad woul whip up his special egg nog out of bourbon and ice cubes." -Fry

"Homeless robots, too poor to afford even the basic alcohol they need to fuel their circuits. Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies, and it would have to be a lot of them." -news anchor

"Girls like swarms of lizards, right?" -Fry

"His life's in danger." -Leela
"Why?" -Zoidberg
"I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town." -Leela

"I'm gonna buy you so many lizards." -Fry to Leela

"You're lonely, and I'm lonely, but together, we're lonely together." -Leela to Fry

"Please, let us live! We'll put out milk and cookies for you!" -Fry
"You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds." -Santa Claus

"I never thought it would end this way. Gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming." -Fry

"Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses." -Santa Claus

"Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitro-glycerin." -Leela

"He knows when you are sleeping." -Amy
"He knows when you're on the can." -Professor Farnsworth
"He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan." -Leela
"Oh," -Zoidberg
"You better not breath, you better not move." -Hermes
"You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude." -Bender
"Santa Claus is cutting you down." -Fry