Quotes from A Tale of Two Santas
News anchor: And now, with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas safety council, the head of Walter Cronkite.
Little boy: Dear Santa, please bring me a coffin for grandpa. You choked him with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas if you know what I mean.
Neptunian: You got any food? Old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores? C'mon, we're starving here.
Fry: But you live in a gingerbread house.
Neptunian 2: Hey, it's food or shelter, not both.
Santa: Don't you knock?! Who knows what naughty things I could be watching. I get New Orleans on this thing, you know.
Bender: We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap, I'm some sort of robot.
Bender: Santa, you saved my life. Please don't kill me.
Santa: Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight?
Fry: Fear has brought us together. That's the magic of Xmas.
Back to episode info